greybean.com

I really just can’t take this. And, to be honest with you, I’m sort of sick of it. For a few years there (1998, ‘99, and, to an extent, 2000), watching the Yankees was fun because they just flat out won. Except that that’s mostly untrue, too. The ‘98 and ‘99 playoffs were littered with one- or two-run victories, extra inning games, and late come-from-behind Yankees rallies. So, they were just as nerve-wracking to watch as these games are now. Except that I wasn’t entirely sure that the Yankees ever could lose an important game back then. I had heard about their heartbreaking loss to the Indians in ‘97, but I hadn’t seen it (having not followed baseball basically from 1994 through 1997). So, there was a certain invincibility that these Yankees had built up for me, winning 114 regular season games in ‘98, and then going 22-3 over consecutive post seasons.

But, at this point, I’ve seen the Yanks lose enough times in big games to know that it’s always possible. It’s like that with staff aces. Everybody thinks of Roger Clemens as a lights-out starter, but I watched him pitch enough games for the Yankees that I saw him lose enough to always have doubted him. Same thing with all these guys: Pettitte, Wells, El Duque. You watch anyone pitch enough, you’ll see their weak spots, and then you’ll always know what they are. Even Mariano Rivera. I’ve seen him pitch enough that I know he isn’t entirely unhittable like a lot of people think (he blew saves in back-to-back games I was at—against the Braves and Orioles in ‘99—in fact).

So, now that I know they can lose, I have to fear it all of the time. And I don’t even mean those four games last year in the ALCS. From my point of view, the Yankees never had any business winning the first three games of that series, so it all evened out in the end. I mean 2001 and 2002. I mean games one and two against Oakland in ‘01. I mean game one against Minnesota last year.

Sometime back in ‘99 or 2000, I told Alisia that there would come a point where the Yankees would be terrible again, and they’d win 65 games per year for a while, but we’d have to love them anyway. And the thing is I kind of long for those days.

See, my first year as a Yankee fan was 1989, when they went 74-87 and came in fifth in the AL East, 14½ games behind Toronto. And then there was 1990: 67-95, dead last in the East, 21 games back. That season included a no-hitter thrown by Yankees ace Andy Hawkins, which he was actually able to lose, 4-0. And don’t forget Tim Leary, who lead the team in wins with a 9-19 record.

See, this is what I came into being as a fan of baseball with. There were no nerves back then. I just watched the games because I loved the sport, I loved New York, and I loved the Yankees. It didn’t even particularly matter if they won (mostly because they usually didn’t). I did wonder how teams like the Blue Jays and A’s could be trailing a game, 4-2, in the seventh and still come back to win while my Yankees never did any such thing (save for one Memorial Day 3-run Mel Hall homer off Boston closer Jeff Reardon), but I never thought about what it must be like to actually expect your team to win those games.

And I sort of miss that. Baseball is a leisurely game. It’s played slowly, there is lots of down time between plays. I sort of expect it to be relaxing. That’s why I love minor league baseball. I almost don’t even care who wins when I’m at a Cutters game. And that’s nice.

This is not.